This is one story i have to share. My own personal experience.Horrifying for me. I could have saved a life. Today, 31august2005.
I was walkin home after the teacher's day celebration. Den i walked past this indian guy who was sitting so forlornly at the shelter there. I looked at him as i walk past and we had eye contact. i thought he was waiting for someone so i didnt care. Later after i bathe, i walked towards my kitchen and just stepped into the kitchen when i saw him again. This time he was just walkin to and fro on the field facing my window. I was kinda stunned when i saw him.Cus its like a hint or something like that. Sixth sense? maybe u could say it that way. He looked so troubled.
He had his head down. i dont know why i.... I JUST DONT KNOW WHY i suddenly had this gut feeling that he is going to do something. I Just had this thought flashin past my mind. I was thinkin, ' why is he so weird? dont tell me he is going to commit suicide. should i help him? think better not. What if he was just takin a stroll? i would look so stupid if i had walked up to him askin if he was all right.' I din take wat i was thinkin seriously. so i just walked away.
I still remember the time. it was around 11am in the morning. After that i went out to meet my fren at 12pm like that. Den, at night around 7 plus at nite i called my mom. The first thing she said was, later when u come home dont walk past the void deck under the kitchen area there. i asked why. She said somebody committed suicide. I immediately thought of the man. I literally froze there and was so dumbfounded. I asked my mom if he was indian and wearing white pants and white top. She asked me, How you noe?! i said shit, i just saw him this morning.My mom said his head smashed to bits and alot of blood was splattered everywhere. Just below my house.
Imagine, how i could have helped him. At least if i went up to him and show concern for him, at least he will feel comforted that somebody in this world still cares for him.He might not have committed suicide. JUST THINK!I feel so responsible for his death and guilty! I just saw him today and i could have helped him.
I was so scared stiff typing this post. I cant help thinkin i had eye contact with him just this morning and i feel goosebumps all rising. Chill down my spine. And cold. I could have helped him.
I really regret not helpin him earlier. I keep having flashbacks of me standing at the window lookin at him, i had this gut instinct that he was going to commit suicide. And now im so troubled by it.People readin this may feel that it is no big deal and committing suicide incidents happen almost everyday. BUT, wait till u get this feeling whereby u could have helped him but you din and let him fall to his death.Im too afraid to go home. for the time being.
Im so sorry.
8:34 PM
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